The Heart Is Deceitful

Today is a rainy and chilly summer day, and I find myself in a mix of many emotions. I am excitedly preparing things for our family’s beach vacation and in my downtime enters the frustration and anger of impatiently awaiting INITIAL (!!!) divorce settlement papers from my husband’s attorney. I thought this would be behind me BY NOW and I wouldn’t be wondering while on vacation. In catching up in a daily devotion book I’ve been reading, I read “Committed Love” (see poorly taken photos below) and think “Right! Commitment should be true in a marriage!”. Thinking I’m righteous or better than. The Holy Spirit leads me to the truth as always. I then read “The Bible Is True” (another poor photo below, sorry) and am quickly reminded how our hearts are deceitful and Satan uses our sinful nature against one another.

Dear Lord deliver us from temptation and forgive us of our sins.

Keeping Eyes On Jesus

As I grow in my relationship with Jesus, it is clear that I need to keep my eyes fixed on Him in everything I do, say or think.  I need physical and emotional blinders like horses wear, so they can’t see what is behind or beside them; keeps them focused and on their intended path.  Once I lose that focus, this broken world takes hold and sends me backwards.  It seems to be a constant struggle for me!  A battle between my human nature and the Holy Spirit.  Last week I read this blog post, titled “The Struggle With Struggle“.  Aptly titled, right?  I love how God leads me to the things I need to see and hear.💕

Hebrews 12:1-3 (NIV)

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I notice the difference in myself when I take the time to be in the word of the Lord. I witness how I’m more patient, less fearful, and/or just a sense of peace …ACTUAL PEACE!!! I need that constant reminder that this is NOT our home!

I related (too much so😊) with the writer of post, The Struggle With Struggle, she writes “Have any of us ever worried about something(s) because we are afraid if we stop worrying, we will lose control of it? Like worrying somehow gives us control over it all? It sounds twisted, but I have spoken to countless friends who relate, and it is a big part of my story. So think about this – the absence of worry could equal total dependence and faith in God. ”

I think this sense of trying to control things comes from continually feeling as if I’m on a self-improvement plan.  We are bombarded every day with ads, be this, be that, do this, do that; all with the idea of “improving ourselves” for something of this world.  But I did put myself on a self-improvement plan to become a better Christian.  I’m laughing at myself, because I missed the point of Jesus’s message.  In finding Him, I am improved.

Matthew 11:25-30 (NIV)

The Father Revealed in the Son
25 At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. 26 Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.

27 “All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Thank you Lord for loving us so much that you gave us your son Jesus Christ!💕  Please help me continue to lean on Him instead of my own understanding.

Thanks for reading and God bless!  A friend posted this photo and felt it was very appropriate.

Kim

In Better Hands

I was listening to some podcast from Pastor Greg Laurie’s Tell Someone series, while walking at my daughter’s soccer practice. The series is about the importance of sharing our faith and hope in Jesus, doing so with confidence, and he gives tools to help us bring others to Jesus. I actually started this blog, because I was excited and wanted to share what I was learning. I still want to share about Jesus, but I don’t feel that I have love in my heart right now. I’m in the throws of this marriage settlement/divorce and it literally does throw me back to a person I don’t want to be. So as I’m walking, my thoughts are going down a rat hole of being a failure at everything (correct, I didn’t take my thoughts captive like I wrote about awhile ago!).

As I’m beating myself up again, the song In Better Hands by Natalie Grant plays and I know it was Gods way of reaching me.

What Do You Treasure The Most?

This question has come to the surface many times for me the past 2 years, as I grow in my relationship with Jesus. For me, my answer to what I treasure changes in the moment. This particular post relates to current struggle I’m having and current book I’m reading, “Don’t Waste Your Life” by John Piper, with a church group. If you are a believer in Jesus, I highly recommend it! It challenges us to take a hard look at our lives and the way are living it.

In his introduction, he writes this warning “The path of God-exalting joy will cost you your life. Jesus said, “Whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.” In other words, it is better to lose your life than to waste it. If you live gladly to make others glad in God, your life will be hard, your risks will be high, and your joy will be full. This book is not about how to avoid a wounded life, but how to avoid a wasted life. Some of you will die in the service of Christ. That will not be a tragedy. Treasuring life above Christ is a tragedy.”

Right now I ask myself what am I treasuring (my 401k?), am I living of this world (lack of faith in Gods promises?). I’m struggling with the upcoming divorce settlement, and it seems so unfair financially speaking. I make more than my husband, so I in turn have substantially more to lose than him in 401k, may need to pay him child support, possibly even alimony … while he was the one who left to pursue another relationship. Piper writes, “If we look like our lives are devoted to getting and maintaining things, we will look like the world, and that will not make Christ look great. He will look like a religious side interest that may be useful for escaping hell in the end, but doesn’t make much difference in what we live and love here. He will not look like an all satisfying treasure an that will not make others glad in God.”

Let me just say, I am not thinking about how much less I will be able to give the church or other charities. I’m not asking if I will have enough to continue to sponsor kids in poverty stricken areas. No I’m thinking of my kids and my own well being! If my soon to be ex gets all this money, it isn’t as if my kids or I will be in need of anything. As long as I continue to have a job (starting a new one on Monday), I should be able to continue what I give to the church, etc. I may need to become even more frugal. I have not suffered nearly like Christ did for us. I haven’t sacrificed my luxuries (that we call needs). Piper writes, “Why don’t people ask us about our hope? The answer is probably that we look as if we hope in the same things they do. Our lives don’t look like they are on the Calvary Road, stripped down for sacrificial love, serving others with the sweet assurance that we don’t need to be rewarded in this life.”

John Piper challenges us, “if you believe that to live is Christ and to die is gain, read this book learn to live for Christ and don’t waste your life!”

Lord Jesus, thank you for sacrificing all to save us, we are not deserving. Please continue to forgive our sins God, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us to a path where we are more passionate about glorifying You and Your greatness! Help us to live for Christ and not waste our lives! In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Thank for reading! Please comment, I’d like to hear your thoughts.

Kim

Are You Letting Satan Win?

OK don’t judge. Yes I watch reality TV. Some may poo-poo it, but I have to say that “Married To Medicine” season 5 (on Bravo) hit a lot of personal issues I’ve dealt with … um, I’m dealing with now.

So I’m watching Part 3 of the shows reunion and I’m sobbing uncontrollably!! One of the couples is on verge of divorce, papers filed, etc. Backstory is a lot of the other couples looked to this couple as having their $#!£ together. Just last year they celebrated 20 years, renewed vows, etc. The out pouring of love and support from other cast members, getting these two to FIGHT for their marriage has me SO jealous. The people closest to my husband kept their mouths shut. In any case, Satan does NOT look like he will win in this Married To Medicines couples marriage.

Reality hits home in my own messed up life. No one having my back, my marriage’s back, as far as speaking truth to my soon to be ex husband. I had support from friends while I tried to fight for my marriage. Most thought I was cray-cray. I SO desperately wanted to break the cycle and not let Satan win. But I’m only one person and it takes a village! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming anyone for my failed marriage. I have taken full responsibility for my part. It just hurts more than I can say, when the people closest to the matter don’t step in. I trust God is in control…if you’re a believer.

If you know of someone on the verge of divorce and your gut tells you to say something. Please trust that it is the Holy Spirit guiding you. Don’t back down from getting involved when trying to save someone’s marriage. Obviously if it is a safe environment for both and abuse isn’t being questioned. It is SO EASY to turn the other cheek, feel like it’s not your place to intervene. But when spouses look for comfort or ego stroking in other places than their own home, speak up…call them out on their crap! IT is becoming “the norm” for us and who will fight it…all of us must fight it!

Matthew 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Give your spouse a hug, tell them you love them, call them in the day to say “hey I’m thinking about your you”, set a weekly date night with one another, cut each other a break and forgive…we are all sinners, none of are infallible.

God bless and good night

Kim

Says It All, Right?

Short, sweet and to the point of how we all should live.

Relentless Intention To Govern Your Mind

Hello once again! First can I say that Spring is bitter sweet for me. I love that dismal winter is on its way out, temperatures rise, flowers and trees start to bloom bringing more color to our surroundings. However with Spring comes the onslaught of sports that my daughter loves, soccer, softball and a short stint of track and field for elementary students. It seems there is not one night without rushing from work, get food, and get to practice or games and it goes from March- June. I’m already exhausted just thinking about it! OK, off that tangent! 😊. Please keep reading to see what the heck is meant by this title.

Sticking with the theme of this journey I am on, what I’m learning, and wanting to share with everyone! I’ve been going through life letting my thoughts control me. Our thoughts are deceiving and it’s where Satan takes control of our sinful human nature. The Bible says take every thought captive for good reason!

If you took my advice and read, “Breaking The Cycle” by Friedman, you would have read about controlling your mind. He writes this …

Here is the problem<<<<<
tablishment of random unchecked habits is the biggest problem of your life no matter what venue, but especially in your marriage! But, you do not have to be a victim any more. You need to be more than a victim passenger, dragged through life without knowing what is happening; like some baboon, throwing up your hands, handing over control of your life to habits, the latest “good idea” or instincts. It isn’t going to change either, until you change it. As long as your instincts are in charge it lowers you to the level of an instinct driven animal. You need to take control. It must be your infallible relentless intention to govern your mind every moment of your life…. you know all too well what happens when you don’t. You are living it!

Here’s an article that gives a snapshot into The Marriage Foundation’s SEW method; stop, evaluate, wisdom

https://familyshare.com/19607/3-habits-that-will-revitalize-your-marriage

If you took my advice and started following Brooke Castillio, The Life Coach, you would have come across her CTFAR method; see links where she explains in podcast #26 and offers the PDF in second link.

https://thelifecoachschool.com/26/

Click to access CTFAR-model.pdf

Seems to be pattern where God was leading me, eh?🙄. I wasn’t obeying, but was living for this world! Ugh!

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)

5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Romans 12:2 (NIV)

2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Thank you for reading and God bless!

Kim

Beware of Expectations

Sticking with the theme of sharing some of the resources I’ve used over the past two years that have helped me grow and dare I say forgive myself and others. Why wasn’t it enough for me to know that I am to forgive others as God has forgiven me? Your probably saying “Duh Kim, it’s because of our sinful human nature”. I get that and I have cut myself some slack by not getting too down on myself when I don’t show self-control. But how many have tried to manage our expectations we have for others and ourselves? Am I alone in feeling as if I missed some important lessons of life?

In my last post, I pointed to the book “Breaking The Cycle” by Paul Friedman. I wholeheartedly agree with Friedman, that we NEED MARITAL EDUCATION in our classrooms around the world! Maybe I’m more adamant about that then someone who hasn’t been through two failed marriages. We can’t deny that we all want everlasting peace, connection and intimacy with our spouse. Right? So what is preventing anyone from having that?

In

Don’t Give Up! (It’s so hard though 😞)

My 5th blog post, exciting! I haven’t given up. But it has only been one month so far.😊 How many things have we’ve given up in our lifetimes? We start with best intentions, going to be committed (this time; thinking of how many times I’ve started a diet), yadda, yadda … only to give up when it gets harder than expected, hurts more than expected, whatever the excuse. Life happens! In the process of trying to save my 2nd marriage, the consistent theme among all the material I read or listened to was “NEVER GIVE UP!” The first resource God led me to, was The Marriage Foundation (www.TheMarriageFoundation.org) and Mr. Paul Friedman’s book “Breaking The Cycle“.  I’ve given this book to my friends and family, because it is a must read!

In his introduction, Paul Friedman writes “Statistics have nothing to do with your own family. A truly failed, unrecoverable marriage is extremely rare, but too many couples sadly buy into the modern idea (emphasis added) that divorce is the best way to go just because things seem “impossible”. They give up too early, dooming their easily salvageable marriage. There is no impossible as long as you keep trying. ”  He mentions how there are some rare relationships that are threatening a child’s safety, or your own, and those cannot be taken lightly and require professional help.

In another program, Marriage Helper (www.marriagehelper.com), they too speak about never giving up … having patience, persistence, perseverance, and hope.   This too is great program with Dr. Joe Beam, who has many articles and radio pod casts.

Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

 

I honestly can’t put into words where I am in my personal save my marriage, two-year journey.  I believe I am leaving myself open to reconciliation, if it ever were to happen.  But right now, in my brokenness I am trying to surrender my self-will to God.  Much like Jacob wrestling with God in Genesis 32:22-32.  With that said, I don’t know if that means I’ve given up or not.

Thanks for reading and feel free to leave comments.  I enjoy the feedback.

Have a wonderful week and  be in constant prayer.

Kim

 

This Is Not Our Home

I’m positive anyone can relate to Laura Story’s song, “Blessings” (linked below). As she sings, “We know that pain reminds this heart, that this is not our home”. I for one need this reminder daily! Not just for trials we face, but also choices we make.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h

Reading Hebrews 11:13 “All these people died having faith. They did not receive the things that were promised, yet they saw them in the distant future and welcomed them, acknowledging that they were strangers and foreigners on earth.” I do remind myself to walk by faith, not by site. It’s even written in my office at work, but LIVING IT IS HARD!!! I find myself CONSTANTLY asking for forgiveness!

As Christians we rely on something that is supernatural! Yet I (we) still try to make sense of it all, try to put an earthly/scientific spin on everything. I know I’m not alone in this struggle. I want my faith to be as solid as the heroes of the Bible. God has promised us good things, can I (we) get to a place of accepting that truth? Can I live with a mindset on eternity, knowing this is not my home? It’s my prayer for all of us, to have everlasting faith in our Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Thanks for reading, God bless!

Kim